I posted a video recently on Insta of me dancing seven-months pregnant, belly exposed, to New Orderās āBlue Mondayā: āHow does it feelā¦ā
And I look hot.
I was proud of the video mainly because, as those of you whoāve read my recent newsletters know, Iāve struggled with feeling attractive over the last few months as my body has been changing. So just shooting it and realizing, wow, I like how I look was a win.
But thatās not where the story ends.
Overlayed on top of the video was text about how when your partner dates someone else, it can trigger intense feelings. But after working through those feelings, you can end up even stronger than before.
I knew an average person in the world might find this scandalous. First off, here I am pregnant and dancing somewhat sexually with my belly out for thousands of people to see.
And I believe this is one reason the video went viral among my followers and people interested in non-monogamy. My belly is a sight to see. Within a few days, a few thousand people liked it and many showered me with love in the comments.
But again, the story doesnāt end here.
A few days later, a second wave of viewers appeared. Not just a wave though, a typhoon. More than half a million on Instagram and several million more on Twitter.
And these millions of people were mostly concerned or disgusted. āThis person is pregnant and her partner is out dating other women? That is horrifying. Someone send child protective services.ā
People being disgusted by polyamory and accusing me of gaslighting myself isnāt new. āIf youāre jealous, then why are you doing this? Just be monogamous.ā Iāve heard that plenty of times before.
But this time, the pregnancy adds a whole new dimension of scandal. This isnāt just me āgaslighting myself.ā Thereās now an innocent child involved.
Iām not just fucking up my own life. Iām fucking up someone elseās life too. Iāve reached a new level of messed up.Ā
And I admit, reading some of these comments with various levels of presumption and ignorance has been difficult.
Not because I think they are right. But because when someone attacks you ā well not just someone, thousands of people at once ā itās overwhelming.
You have to ask, do they have a point? You have to question yourself and try to understand their perspective. And I have.
And itās just clear, that although some are coming from a genuine place of concern, they just got no damn idea about non-monogamy or my life. They areĀ seeing it the way they want to see it. The way that agrees with the way they already see the world.Ā
And seeing their viewpoint reinforced a thousand times just strengthens their resolve.
This is wrong. Get it off the internet.
But whatās most hard is not that they are saying these things. Itās that they are saying these things, and I donāt have the energy or capacity to actually answer them. And there are not enough of us, people like you and me, to help me either.
There are too many of them, who donāt understand polyamory and are actively against its existence, and not enough of us, those who practice it or at least want it to be taken seriously.Ā
When you live in a liberal place like Berlin or New York and mostly interact with people who at least accept what youāre doing, you begin to forget that most of the world is not like this.
That there are many many more people out there who want to obliterate us than there are of us.
This isnāt my fight. Itās ours.
Itās an uphill battle. For understanding. For acceptance. For the right to exist and love the way we want to in peace. For the right to not be told your child should be taken away from you.
Please donāt take that lightly. I encourage you to do whatever you can to help people understand and at least empathize with this world.
Often the most powerful way to do that is to simply share your truth, the fact that your are living life in this way too and youāre not ashamed.
Parental leave.
You may be wondering, what happens to the newsletter when the baby is born. Well, Iāve decided that when the baby comes (my due date is Jan 14!) I will begin two full months + part-time month of maternity leave.
So what does this mean for you?
Well, it means during my leave, I wonāt be writing this newsletter regularly (if at all) so I can take the much-needed time to heal my body and get used to breastfeeding and figure out how to live life with a newborn.
Iāve heard it can be challenging (understatement of the year) so I want to do that in the most healthy loving way for myself and for this little baby!
What if youāre a supporting member?
After thoroughly investigating the German bureaucratic system, Iāve decide to pause billing during the three months Iām away, so you wonāt get charged anything during that time. (If you are a yearly subscriber, your membership will be extended for three months).
Iād thought about continuing billing and letting you decide whether youād like to pause your subscription while youāre not getting any content, but the thing is during my official leave, if you were to also pay me, that would simply be deducted from the sum I receive from the government.
So indirectly your money would go to the German government while Iām gone. Not to me.
A gift to the little one.
That all said, if you would like to give something to help support us, I would be grateful if you were to make one time gift to our baby fund on paypal.
For anyone who gives a gift (it doesnāt matter the size), Iām going to include your name on a card that I will hang up in the babyās room. So it will know that it was loved and supported before it was born.
Either way, I thank you so much for being with me throughout this journey. And staying strong on your own path. <3
Love,
Sarah
That is one of the most hilarious viral blow ups I have ever read. And this evening I'm (hopefully) sleeping with a second man/third person this week before doing my younger kids birthday over the weekend. Haters are losers.
What we do in life is up to us. Ignore the narrow minded idiots . We are CNM also for 20 years. We have lived our fantasyās and love the lifestyle. Still together and in love.