Poly and pregnant is not all it's cracked up to be

Everything is different now

Before I had a life growing inside of me, I didn’t really know what to expect from pregnancy. I imagined whatever happened I would keep dating, would keep being sexual.

In other words, I would keep being my badass and inspiring self, sort of like Rihanna.

But the truth is, I’ve found this goal harder to achieve than I’d imagined.

I’ve grown a lot over the last weeks, I don’t mean psychologically but physically. And this has really changed everything for me.

Now I have a little being moving inside me at regular intervals, before and after meals, when I lie on my back, in the morning and in the evenings. It’s there, it’s always there.

I have heartburn, my sleeping is getting weirdly shallow, climbing stairs has never been so difficult, and I’m sober. Just sober all the damn time forever and ever!

But mostly I’m huge.

I’ve gained over 20 lbs already, and the average weight gain is 25-35 lbs throughout the whole pregnancy. And I’m just not used to it.

People say I look beautiful. I believe them.

I agree there is beauty in this body. It’s powerful, and it’s really amazing what it is doing.

But beautiful is one thing. Sexy is another. When people say I look “sexy,” I don’t believe them.

Yes, maybe there is something sexy about my pregnancy, about the way I carry it, about my confidence and my will to stay social and joyous and active throughout it all.

But I don’t feel truly sexy, like sexual. When it comes down to it, I’m insecure about the way I look.

I went to an outdoor club a few weeks ago to dance with some friends.