The question to ask yourself is whether you could fall in love with other people. If that happened already, or you think you could, that might lead to potential polyamorous developements. But in any case, nothing stops you from changing your current relationship status and agreements and boundaries if you need to. And even if you're polyamorous with one or zero partners, that's doesn't make you less polyamorous. Maybe the actual label you use to define the type of relationship you're currently having is what suits you best at the moment, maybe it could change with time, or not changing at all, and that's fine. In any case, that's reassuring reading you're fully satisfied with your bonds. That's what matters the most. Go at your own pace and change when you feel the need to. I wanna thank you because following you is really interesting and that's a great source of learning and debating, whether within myself or with other people, don't stop being who you are :) by the way, were you in Paris a few months ago? I thought I saw you in the subways but I was too shy to say hi!
This resonates so much. I do currently use the word polyamorous for myself and my relationship(s), but also ... I am in one romantic relationship. I live with that partner. I'm used to spending a lot of time with them. I have no acute desire for that to change, I don't actively desire having another romantic relationship for the sake of having more than one romantic relationship, and I'm not actively looking. (I wasn't actively looking when I was single either, but I digress.) If/When I meet someone I wanna date, I'm happy that I get to do that - that's one reason I chose this. I love that I can fall in love again without that love competing with the love I already have. I love the freedom of this, same as you. But it's probably no coincidence that since me and my partner have got together, I've not felt any real desire to go on dates with strangers. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I love that the opportunity is out there for the taking, when/if I want it. I love that this is true for my partner as well. And that's all. I'm happy.
You are the only truly compelling person I have found , after months of deep online dives into the world of poly. I am sorry you are having a roller coaster emotional ride. > thank you for sharing honestly. It is rare to see someone so articulate and knowledgeable, revealing that poly or " ish"'s can be shades of emotional grey. It doesnt have to be black and white. Struggles happen to anyone at anytime.
However, I have entered a relationship where we were both on this page, and yet they ended up falling in love with someone they were dating and asked to change the configuration of our relationship as they saw themselves falling in love and wanting to make it official with the other partner too (anecdote, at this point we were together for a short but meaningful time, so I do a think that the fact that we have yet to build a very strong foundation plays a role in the following things I wrote). This broke me. I felt betrayed even though technically I wasn't really... and I did not know how to feel any better about it. They ended up breaking up with me as they saw how much pain it was causing me (even though I was committed enough to go through the pain and growth and make it work, we both spoke about being wives and mothers together as we matched on everything else life contains). I am still heartbroken, confused, and feel betrayed. And now I am petrified to enter another non-monogamous relationship. I value and want all the things it brings but the betrayal I felt when I wasn't the main, the way I saw her and placed her among all my other relationships, hurt me too deeply....
I wonder what other people feel about this and have something to share too that can help me understand this and heal from this... <3
The question to ask yourself is whether you could fall in love with other people. If that happened already, or you think you could, that might lead to potential polyamorous developements. But in any case, nothing stops you from changing your current relationship status and agreements and boundaries if you need to. And even if you're polyamorous with one or zero partners, that's doesn't make you less polyamorous. Maybe the actual label you use to define the type of relationship you're currently having is what suits you best at the moment, maybe it could change with time, or not changing at all, and that's fine. In any case, that's reassuring reading you're fully satisfied with your bonds. That's what matters the most. Go at your own pace and change when you feel the need to. I wanna thank you because following you is really interesting and that's a great source of learning and debating, whether within myself or with other people, don't stop being who you are :) by the way, were you in Paris a few months ago? I thought I saw you in the subways but I was too shy to say hi!
This resonates so much. I do currently use the word polyamorous for myself and my relationship(s), but also ... I am in one romantic relationship. I live with that partner. I'm used to spending a lot of time with them. I have no acute desire for that to change, I don't actively desire having another romantic relationship for the sake of having more than one romantic relationship, and I'm not actively looking. (I wasn't actively looking when I was single either, but I digress.) If/When I meet someone I wanna date, I'm happy that I get to do that - that's one reason I chose this. I love that I can fall in love again without that love competing with the love I already have. I love the freedom of this, same as you. But it's probably no coincidence that since me and my partner have got together, I've not felt any real desire to go on dates with strangers. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I love that the opportunity is out there for the taking, when/if I want it. I love that this is true for my partner as well. And that's all. I'm happy.
You are the only truly compelling person I have found , after months of deep online dives into the world of poly. I am sorry you are having a roller coaster emotional ride. > thank you for sharing honestly. It is rare to see someone so articulate and knowledgeable, revealing that poly or " ish"'s can be shades of emotional grey. It doesnt have to be black and white. Struggles happen to anyone at anytime.
Thank you.
Sarah, thanks for doing what you do. Reading your articles, Instagram posts, newsletters, has helped me many times. 💕
This really resonates.
However, I have entered a relationship where we were both on this page, and yet they ended up falling in love with someone they were dating and asked to change the configuration of our relationship as they saw themselves falling in love and wanting to make it official with the other partner too (anecdote, at this point we were together for a short but meaningful time, so I do a think that the fact that we have yet to build a very strong foundation plays a role in the following things I wrote). This broke me. I felt betrayed even though technically I wasn't really... and I did not know how to feel any better about it. They ended up breaking up with me as they saw how much pain it was causing me (even though I was committed enough to go through the pain and growth and make it work, we both spoke about being wives and mothers together as we matched on everything else life contains). I am still heartbroken, confused, and feel betrayed. And now I am petrified to enter another non-monogamous relationship. I value and want all the things it brings but the betrayal I felt when I wasn't the main, the way I saw her and placed her among all my other relationships, hurt me too deeply....
I wonder what other people feel about this and have something to share too that can help me understand this and heal from this... <3