Great insight Sarah. Sometimes, a fling is just a fling. Sometimes, it can develop into more. Internet hugs. Endings are tough, no matter what the "reason."
Based only on what I have read from you interpreted through my het male experience, you chose someone wise enough to warn you that he did not think he was polyamorous, yet open-minded enough to experiment with it. I think one year is a fair experiment, and he let you know that his original concern has been borne out. I know there's a niggling "What if I had been really great, wouldn't he have been willing to give up monogamy for that?" I don't think so. No matter how good you are when you are together, polyamory means he'll be left with his own emotions when you are apart. Some people are too distressed by that to tolerate it, no matter how good they feel when together.
I don't think that means you should never repeat the experiment with a different partner. Few people go from zero partners ever to two or more all at once. Most polyamorous people started with one partner and an invitation to experiment. I certainly did. And I think you did, originally. I hope you meet others worthy enough of trusting to give it a try.
Great insight Sarah. Sometimes, a fling is just a fling. Sometimes, it can develop into more. Internet hugs. Endings are tough, no matter what the "reason."
Based only on what I have read from you interpreted through my het male experience, you chose someone wise enough to warn you that he did not think he was polyamorous, yet open-minded enough to experiment with it. I think one year is a fair experiment, and he let you know that his original concern has been borne out. I know there's a niggling "What if I had been really great, wouldn't he have been willing to give up monogamy for that?" I don't think so. No matter how good you are when you are together, polyamory means he'll be left with his own emotions when you are apart. Some people are too distressed by that to tolerate it, no matter how good they feel when together.
I don't think that means you should never repeat the experiment with a different partner. Few people go from zero partners ever to two or more all at once. Most polyamorous people started with one partner and an invitation to experiment. I certainly did. And I think you did, originally. I hope you meet others worthy enough of trusting to give it a try.