So I went on another date last week with Festival Eric (yes, now his name is “Festival Eric” since we met at a festival). And it was quite awesome overall.
But there was a point on the date where we kind of had a little fight…
I tried to take sex off the table
It started when I told him, I thought we should not have sex that night. (Since last time, when sex was sort of expected, neither of us could really get into it.)
And then he said something like, “Yeah, I see what you’re saying —that’s totally cool for tonight. But in general, I would like this to be a sexual relationship.”
And I was like, “Okay, but is this not fun, at it is?” I was having a great time so I was wondering why sex needed to be part of this at all.
And he was like, “Yes, I’m def having fun too, but I just feel like if we’re not having sex and we’re just getting to know each other then it feels kind of relationship-y. And I don’t want it to be that way…I really like you,” he said, “But you already have a partner.”
And that really hit me hard (especially after a few glasses of wine).
I didn’t want the way our relationship developed to be different just because I had a partner. I wanted it to all be the same. I wanted him to fall for me, and I was feeling like I wanted to fall for him.
But I also understood, he doesn’t like the idea of an open relationship. He’d said that within a few hours of meeting him. I can’t change that. And I have to respect that.
You can read more about our date here:
Cut to a week later (today) and I feel more level-headed when it comes to Festival Eric.
I realize I’m not a missionary. I’m not here to convert anyone to polyamory.
But I do wish other people could be more fluid. I wish that in our culture we didn’t have to box people into either casual sex or relationship material. That we could just let things flow the way they want to flow and just talk about our boundaries in the process, what we desire, and what we don’t desire out of the relationship as we go along.
I’ll appreciate this for what it is. And in the meantime, feel grateful that I already have an amazing partner that I love and who loves me. :)
<3
Sarah
Other articles this week
I Want To Have a Threesome — I Just Can’t Find the Right Woman To Do It With
There are two main problems
Me and my leopard: <3