You can ask him to stop ✋🏽

Cus you're only human.

Flo recently asked me how I would feel about him visiting an old flame in “the South” (of Germany). It would be part of a longer road trip he was going on to visit family and a few other friends.

And in the past, even though I might have felt some anxiety at the thought of such a proposal, I may have said: “Well, why not?” Sure, it feels uncomfortable but I can work through it.

Ultimately, I want Flo to enjoy his life.

I want him to have beautiful connections with other women, wag his tail, and feel the excitement of his body and the world around him (even if I’m not involved in that excitement).

I want him to share his gifts with whomever he wants to share them with and with whoever is smart enough to appreciate them.

This is part of why non-monogamy appeals to me.

But this time, when he asked about visiting that old flame, I didn’t respond in the way I usually would have…

It’s okay to say “it’s enough.”

As you know from previous emails, it’s been hard getting used to Flo seeing someone else he really likes. Someone who has her own needs wants and desires. Needs wants and desires my partner wants to empathize with and respond to.

This affects me. This affects our relationship.

And after weeks of ups and downs and feelings of anxiety, and journaling and asking for support, I feel I’m finally coming to accept this.

I feel like I’m growing, I feel like we’re growing, and I feel like we’re going towards something I want too.

And that’s actually amazing.

It’s a process.

But it’s important to also stop to recognize the fact that this process is difficult. The process of struggle, self-reflection, and growth.

And we, non-monogamous folk, don’t always have to be going through these difficult processes.

So when Flo asked me that question and I felt that pang of insecurity, imagining him spending all day and night possibly in bed with this other woman, I remembered the process I just went through, and I said to him: “Actually, I really don’t want this right now.”

I’ve pushed and pushed and now I need some time to just be.

That’s the truth. 

I’m not ready for more.

“Can you just give me time to really finish this process before I move to the next one?” I asked.

And he agreed. And that was that.

No, it’s not the ideal, but it’s okay to not embody the ideal. It’s okay to go slow.

And it’s okay to be imperfect.

<3 Sarah

P.S. That’s me on a playground - Yeeea