Hello, hello
So as you may remember from previous emails, I was/am really digging this guy I’ve been seeing “Eric”.
And so I shared these feelings with my partner Flo a few weeks back, and it was tough for him to hear. Scary, because, well, it was scary for me too. I didn’t know what these feelings meant or where to put them…
And so after we talked about it, I decided to take a pause on seeing Eric.
And I was scared to make this decision at first
Because given Eric’s general penchant toward monogamy, I worried telling him I needed a little pause to focus on my relationship would totally push him away. “Like fuck this, non-monogamy BS. I don’t want to deal with this!”
But no — much to my simultaneous relief and disappointment, my request for a pause seemed to have almost no real effect.
When I told him I needed some time off, he said, “I understand. [Flo] should be the priority.”
No drama.
Just totally reasonable reactions, and guess what? Taking the break also gave me a chance to let my feelings cool a bit, to calm the crazies. And the best part was that Flo seemed happy again — I didn’t realize he wasn’t totally happy until I saw what it was like the last few weeks. It was like a renaissance between us. And it was beautiful just to see him smile so profoundly again.
I was so happy to just be with him these last weeks.
And so even though there’s a little part of me that’s disappointed that eric didn’t say something like, “oh no, I don’t want to take a pause! My feelings for you are too strong!” Cough— monogamy hangover —cough, I’m pretty damn happy this all worked out. It really is the best possible outcome.
And guess what? After 3.5 weeks, eric and I are going on another date tomorrow. And I’m stoked!
In an open relationship, you need to be careful about too much “couples privilege”. You need to make sure to take everyone involved with you’s feelings into account, not just those of the people in the primary relationship.
But in the end, if you’re in a primary relationship with someone and not the other, that person (or people) who is your primary partner should take priority when it’s not too much burden on anyone else.
You can slow things down and it might actually be the best thing for everyone involved.
<3
Sarah
Hello Spring!
Recent articles
Why You Might Love Sex but Not Particularly “Want” It
Here are a few reasons for this phenomenon
5 Reasons He’s Not Going Down on You
Based on real answers men have told me
Sarah, I seem to remember an earlier article where Flo was seeing someone else, and you were uncomfortable, but his dates continued. Not sure why this situation with you and Flo reversed is different.