That time I ran from a sex party 😅

And why I worry about leaning on trees

Hey guys,

So in 2016, I was ready for my first summer in years as a single lady in New York City. And I asked the guy I was dating to take me to a sex party.

I was having an intense YOLO phase and I wanted to experience everything and anything. I was going to go. I would be fine. It would be great. I told myself.

Although living your life on the edge does work out great most of the time. Sometimes you can take it too far. And this time I did.

You can read more about that here:

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Berlin has been quite cold, dark and depressing already. Cases are rising a lot. Impending lockdown on my mind. And generally, I’ve been feeling a little out of touch. Disconnected.

I was starting to worry my only source of happiness was Flo, my partner.

But then last night, I was at my apartment with my roommates. One of them rolled a spliff and we all sat outside on our balcony, talked and smoked.

We planned an outing to an outdoor club (Sisyphus) this weekend. I giggled and smiled.

Inside, Deadmau5 came on the speaker. We went inside and started dancing and I was totally vibing.

And then I sat on the couch. And just felt good.

But it was more than that.  I felt confident in my self. Self-sufficient. And I hadn’t felt that combination in a while: happiness and self-sufficiency.

And that’s sort of the catch-22 of being in a relationship. It makes you happy to be with your S.O., but there’s a darkness that comes with it.

And this is where I get to the tree metaphor. 

Tree metaphor

When you sit in the park leaning on a tree, it feels great. You’re like, “this tree feels awesome.” But maybe you start to worry. Well when I’m not with the tree, can I still sit up straight?

The answer is yes, you can. But if you keep leaning on that tree for support. And you never sit up straight, you lose your ability to do so easily. Your back strength atrophies.

So what I’m saying is: I think it’s important to find peace in that alone time too. To hold yourself up in other ways. So you’re not dependent on the one source.

And so I was happy not just to feel happy, but to feel happy in a different way than I had been recently. 

And okay okay, I’ll try to stop worrying about leaning on trees. Because the worrying thing isn’t productive either. Yeah my back might lose some strength. But ultimately, it ain’t going anywhere. ;)

Love,

Sarah

Other stories this week

4 Signs I Was Meant to Be Non-Monogamous Before I Knew What Non-Monogamy Was

6 Reasons to Always Tell Your Partner the Truth Even When It Will Hurt Them

If You Want to Be Non-monogamous, First Change the Way You Think About Sex