Thank g-d he has her 🥨

The poly floodgates are open

This past summer, my partner Flo met Carina.

And for the first time, one of us started seeing someone not just regularly but regularly and frequently.

And this was hard for me. I was being asked for the first time to take into account the feelings and desires of another person and empathize with them.

To that end, one evening, a few weeks ago, I went to dinner with her, just the two of us.

The food was good and the conversation flowed. I walked away trusting more that she is def not trying to put herself in between us. She’s committed to polyamory and genuinely wants everyone, me included, to be happy and safe.

When I think about it now, I do care about her. Not quite as my friend (at least not yet) but as someone my partner cares about. 

And I have to say, after months of struggle, I’m actually grateful she’s there.

For the pure honest reason that she adds joy to my partner’s life, whom I love and want to be happy.

But also for more selfish reasons.

The floodgates are open.

As you may have heard, I’m also seeing someone now (regularly and frequently). It’s exciting and juicy.

And if Flo were not seeing Carina, I would be kind of fucked.

Not like fucked fucked, but if Flo were not seeing anyone at all, this whole process of discovering this new connection would be totally different. I know from experience how hard it is to manage a partner who’s uncomfortable with your budding feelings for another person.

But now that we’re both simultaneously seeing other people, we both want more freedom to connect as we please.

And we are both more in a place to empathize with that desire in the other.

And unlike before, I feel like we’re now on this journey together. We’re on the same page and because of it, I feel somehow, closer to Flo.

Ideally, it wouldn’t matter if we’re both seeing people at the same time. Ideally, we’d be okay not dating anyone when our partner does. But it’s really friggin hard to do that.

Not only are you dealing with abandonment or self-worth issues which non-monogamy triggers for a lot of us, but you also have to contend with the fact that your partner is having this amazing experience before your eyes without you.

And you’re just in totally different places. And it can be hard to come to a meeting point.

Especially when you have never experienced anything like this before.

The storm has settled. 

But over time, I’ve gotten used to Carina’s presence in Flo’s life. 

My pangs of jealousy still come, but they are shorter-lived, just a couple of breaths and they float away.

I feel connected and grounded and I’m happy, and I’m happy Flo is too.

So much so, we all went out for dinner the other night: Sal, me, Flo, and Carina, but that’s a story for another time 

#polycule2023

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Photo by Christian Holzinger on Unsplash