I’m still 32, so don’t get too excited yet.
But I want you to know, I made the decision recently that I’m going to try to get pregnant at the end of next year around my 34th birthday.
Why? I want to partake in this very special life experience, and I don’t want to wait too long to start trying.
Why am I telling you this?
I’m working with a life coach now, have been for the last two months, and he told me to do it!
Just kidding, that’s not true at all. He doesn’t tell me what to do. But during one of our sessions, he made me realize that I held this belief that I couldn’t really have kids.
That somewhere inside, I believed it wasn’t for me.
That even though theoretically I knew, regardless of whether there is a man in my life who wants to have them with me, I could go to the sperm bank and figure it out on my own, I didn’t actually believe that to be the case. It felt out of reach.
And part of my not believing in my ability to do this, was me feeling ashamed.
I was ashamed that I didn’t have the “prerequisites” (eg. A husband). And so I kept silent about wanting a kid or planning to have one.
But I’m not going to be silent anymore.
I’m telling people, everyone who cares, that I’m going to try to get pregnant at the end of the next year.
And it’s awesome.
What does that mean right now, practically?
All it really means is that instead of spending this next year worrying about whether I find a man who wants to do it with me. Instead of spending the next year longingly looking at other people’s children, I’m going to enjoy the fuck out of this next year.
I’m going to go to all the festivals. I’m going to focus on my career. I’m going to travel.
And since I’ve made this pledge, I’ve stopped looking longingly at other people’s children. Now, I look at them excitedly, because now I know that it’s in the cards for me too. And if it’s not in the cards, it will be because of my body or something I can’t control— not because of my failure to find a man.
Not because of some sort of incompetence.
All I know is with this new perspective, I feel excited and hopeful about my life. The sore spot that’s been weighing on me feels healed.
Here’s to the future. And here’s to now!
<3
Sarah
Articles this week
How Role Play Helps Me Let Go and Enjoy Worry-Free Sex
Because guilt, shame, and worry are very unsexy.
4 Signs of a Healthy Relationship That Don’t Include “Not Having Sex With Other People”
Because believe it or not, that’s actually not so important.
Polyscout badges & stickers! A friend of mine (actually the new woman Flo went on a date with recently) made these stickers and badges to give to friends/lovers/metamours to celebrate personal achievements in poly life —- they are super cute and spot-on.
Man or not, I will try to get pregnant at 34
I applaud your goal. Only if we set goals can we work towards them.