The person I’ve been seeing regularly (other than my partner), Chris, and I were on a date the other day. And it was going really well; we cooked, cuddled, and listened to music.
But later that evening, when he realized his partner might come home soon (and he wasn’t sure exactly when), he started to dissolve. Not physically but mentally.
He was looking at his phone more, he seemed preoccupied, a bit checked out.
I told him how I perceived him to be and that I wasn’t feeling good. He listened and empathized. Then he biked me home (just a few blocks away) and before he left, made sure I was okay.
But that evening and into the next day, I felt a bit off. Down.
It’s bizarre when a person is so there and so focused and so present. When you feel so taken care of and happy, and then all of a sudden, that feeling of well-being disappears, and you’re left feeling insecure and needy, instead.
It made me wonder if I’ve ever made him feel that way too.
My primary partner
For me, Flo is clearly a priority in my life. We’ve been dating for over three years, we love each other, and he’s going to be the father of my baby.
He is my primary partner.
That’s not to say this hierarchy is prescriptive, by the way. It’s not that he is the #1 before all others, and it has been decreed that this is the way it will be until death do us part.
No, the hierarchy is descriptive.
That’s the way it is because practically that is the way it is.
Make containers for your other partners.
That all said, despite his premiere place in my life, if I go on a date with someone else or hang out with a friend even, for the container of time that we are together, my focus is on them.
They are, for all intents and purposes, the priority in that timeframe.
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